Nice title, idiot.
[Via Canadian Content]
Jeremy over at Played on Ice just posted a list breaking down which teams starts are for real and which aren't. As I was putting up a response in the comments section, I decided I wanted to respond a little more over here and recycle a joke or two [Even that joke is recycled! Like the Native Americans, I believe in wasting nothing].
[Ted Nolan approves that message]
[Via Frozen12]
RANGERS:
Unless Markus Naslund wakes his Ikea furniture-loving Swedish ass up, the Rangers might be due for just the kind of mid-season flop Jeremy's talking about. Though the fact that Scott Gomez and Chris Drury are starting to come out of their respective funks is good news. I'm sure while no one is as disappointed with his slow start back on American soil than Markus, he'll soon have thousands of belligerent, drunk critics in on the act, showering him with expletives and poorly-crafted, racist jokes about Ikea furniture. [Ed. note: Oops!]
Once the winning dries up, if that happens, the pressure will slowly start to press down on the guy from all directions. Luckily, I don't see that happening. The Rangers have one of the most balanced attacks in the league. Markus' game will have time to come around, but I wonder just what is wrong with the guy. His play in Prague and in the games since have been as different as night and day.
[This picture was waiting on deck in case the Ikea line went down in a ball of flames]
VERDICT: They are for real. Even if Naslund doesn't get going, there's a slew of players who are. They'll be fine, and even in this perceived struggling, they're still banking points. Rock on.
LIGHTNING:
Barry Melrose isn't to blame for the hole-filled back end that Tampa's lineup currently boasts. The two-headed monster running the show upstairs have signed whoever they feel like, whenever they feel like doing so. Suck on that, common sense!
The latest proof of this, and of the Bolts' desperation I alluded to a few days ago, is the signing of Marek Malik as the solution to their problems on defense. Marek's an NHL defenseman, as scary as that is, he really is. But what he is not is a high quality NHL defenseman. Be that as it may, he's been heaved a pile of cash and will play because Oren Koules and Len Barrie pulled the trigger.
These guys are cowboys, according to former coach John Tortorella, and as such they've proven to be completely impatient and unpredictable. Regardless of what progress he might make with the team, Barry has to feel about as safe as someone getting drinks for Joe Pesci:
[Now that's a cowboy.]
VERDICT: The Lightning's abysmal start is, unfortunately for Hockey Bay, USA, for real. Its blueline is just far too green for it to have any real success, but if the mulleted maestro is actually given some time to mold the club, they'll be on the right path.
[For those keeping score, mulleted maestro was recycled joke number three.]
There are probably another half dozen or more teams on the list, but those are the two that caught my attention the most.
Some stuff on the Rangers weekend tilts to come.
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